Liebe's Thoughts on Thanksgiving

Dear Charlie-
It seems that you had a better Thanksgiving than I did. I got stuck outside most of the day because our house was full of people! Even little people...but they didn't really let me in to play with them.

All I could do was dream about LAST THANKSGIVING...when no one was looking, I dunked my face in the Bowl Full of Leftover Turkey...TWICE. Then, after they moved the turkey to a higher table...I dunked my head into the Fresh Breadroll Bowl. Ah. Those were the days. That home even had a little kitten for me to chase...and I got away once outside and visited some neighbors who were playing frisbee.

But I guess my owners have learned faster than I've progressed in my mischief-skills. Now, there's no way for me to get out of the yard AND the baby-proofing that's gone on in my house has really cramped my style.

The only thing I can be proud of is the 3 lbs. of dirt I collected on our hike and deposited by shaking in the living room after we got home.

I am SOME dog.

Love-
Liebe

More Thanksgiving Stuff from Charlie

Dear Liebe:

Thanksgiving going really well! My training of chief
and briggie is progressing. Chief is working on
another blog letter but....i cant wait, he's so
slow......

the other day i trained em to leave turkey legs on
the low table in the family room. that was good.

today...i took them for a walk in park again.. there
were german shepards and other big dogs.

as we were walking down path in woods, chief could see
people coming toward us had dogs too....but we couldnt
see their dogs, and they couldnt see me. so chief
hollers:

"monster dog coming!"

the people immeditely ran up way off the trail with
their border collies.... when we got even with em
chief picked me up by halter and said "monster dog"
again. briggie thought it was really funny. I,
being somewhat embarassed, decided to bide my time
till later.

well guess what, later was at home and once again,
briggie left a turkey leg lay on the coffee table
when she went to answer phone.....hee heee heee....

did i tell you that turkeys are midway between
chickens and emus!! legs are really good they call
em drumsticks.
the whole turkey is also really lipsmackin and
fangsnappin good. i have a wingbone buried behind the
couch to share for when you next come to visit.

charlie

Four Score and Sweeteous

Dear Dog Friends. Bet you know where this goes!

4 score and something years ago…the Pilgrims and their ferocious Yorkie guard dogs landed in the New World. After some tough times, together with the Indians, they had a Thanksgiving feast.

We don’t know if they had guitars or mandolins or drums, but hopefully they stuffed themselves, watched football or witch burnings, and partied.

Their trusted Yorkie dogs would have ended up with the bones of the turkeys and deer and…hmmm, maybe those guys just hunted clams in New England…..and there would have been some bone crunching and clam shell cracking and snarling, Yorkies vs. the Indian dogs.

Presumably the pilgrims would have watched their Yorkies carefully, because some societies like roast dog. Skinny yorkies would not make good fare: just ask Lewis and Clark.

Anyway, we fast forward 4 score years to 2005: Briggie roasted a turkey, she and the Chief are sort of pecking at it on the coffee table in the family room watching the TV news.

Chief comes up with this idea to find dance music on the laptop. So they go into the kitchen finding these demos of dancing music and trying it out…

“Wow, Waltz Ballad of the leprechauns!” “1… 2… 3… 1… 2… 3… 1… 2… 3… “Crunch?“ I wonder what that noise was?” “ Whatever”

“Look, here’s Tango music….slow ..slow ..quick, quick… slow, 1 ..2…3,4…5, ….1 2 3.4….5 : “Crick” What was that?” “ Never mind”

Chief says…”Aha…Listen to the wild Rumba music”….”1….2,3….1 .. 2, 3…. “Snap” “What was that?”

Briggie says, “Hmmm that sounds like… a Yorkie eating turkey leg!!! Charliie!”

Where is he? Darn, he’s back of the couch!

GRRR…..she pulls me out by the halter “And he ate the whole leg!” Snarl….

And that my dog friends, was Sweeteous! If you learn to crunch in time with the music, you could probably eat the whole turkey before your people catch on.

Charlie (after very small dog belch) signing off.

My Wife Made Me Do This

Halloween has come and gone...but this image will live forver. RFE as pirate.

Ill-gotten Dog

The TV reporter is interviewing the bandaged up robber in his hospital bed.
“Sir, I understand you’ve been successfully robbing people for 25 years?”

Robber responds: “Yes, it was a good living. I only spent two cushy vacations in jail. I had credit cards, fancy cars, nice clothes, and paid no taxes.”

Reporter moves on with his query: “Some reports indicate you were really innovative and had dynamic robbery ideals. What is that all about?”

Robber: “The best place to find victims was at parking lots near dancing classes at night. Happy couples are so easy to rob, it got boring…So I got creative.”

Reporter: “How so?”

Robber: “After a while, it’s almost too easy to point a gun or a knife at some dude and demand: “Your money or your life”. So I changed the routine to: “Your car or your life.” I got a Mercedes, and a Hummer the first night”
The best gig was to ransom them back to their owners. That worked well, and I hired helpers, because some nights I got 3 or 4 cars.”

Reporter: How did you end up in this hospital predicament?”

Robber: “Naturally, taking got boring, so I tried, “Your wife or your life” for a while, but there was no money in that. The women wouldn’t go back to their men, and it was expensive, trying to keep all these women happy. Heck, I gather it was worse than being married.”

“Then I found a parking lot at a dance studio in Vancouver. This night a happy couple came trippsing out of the dance lessons, and I accosted them for my standard hold up The pretty blonde lady was with a bald man: they had a flea bitten worthless little dog and went to get in a 3 year old Ford SUV.

Obviously they had no money, an old car, and I felt really sorry for the lady, so I said in my deep robber voice: :“Your Yorkie or your life!”.
The old guy handed me the leash, and they blissfully waltzed on down the street, like Fred and Ginger in one of those old movies. That was amazing”.

“I bent to pick up the growling Yorkie. What a mistake that was!

“Now I have 147 stitches holding my arms and legs together. One thumb and my trigger finger are missing. Lucky for me, those paramedics and policemen are pretty good at chasing angry Yorkies away. Somewhere that nasty little dog is still gnawing on the finger he ripped off”.

First Dog

Letter from Charlie Brown (10 pound Yorkie) to his friend in New Mexico

Dear Liebe:

Once again I persuaded my people to take me to the beach. We stopped at new Safeway in Longview. This was Dog Heaven! 2 acres of bark dust and jillions of new little bushes… I was “First Dog” for 67 new bushes. If I had more time, I could have been “First Dog” for hundreds and hundreds of bushes.

Chief and Briggie came out of Safeway, and performed their customary “Goin’ to the Beach” ritual… Briggie threw a cup of fresh Starbucks coffee inside the Mountaineer. Chief just looked at her, said not a word and went back into Starbucks for a reload. They didn’t speak for 20 miles.

Got to the beach, mattress all wet. Something is leaking (not me this time) Briggie tried to dry the mattress close in front of the furnace which kicked the circuit breaker so the furnace quit. It took Chief an hour to find the Reset button and get that going.

Chief and Briggie practiced ballroom dancing in the trailer. This was amazing to watch. They were mumbling, “Not enuff room to Rhumba in this hut!”

Rained all night, more wet mattress. Briggie dumped the water all night. In the morning I took Chief for a walk on beach. First I shwed Chief a dead deer, then we found a wonderful 7’ long 250 lb piece of driftwood. Chief lifted up the wood part way onto the Mountaineer bumper to load, and then, Briggie cried out:
“Wphewweeee! What is that smell?”

Have you ever smelled 200 dead rotting barnacles?
Have you ever smelled 200 dead rotting barnacles after the car heater is turned on? They left the driftwood, the barnacles and the deer on the beach.

We went to the Lewis and Clark re-enacters show at Long Beach. Those were tough guys. They went all that way with muzzle loaders and no Yorkies to protect ‘em. I think their tents leaked more than our trailer.

Came back, somehow Chief got the water heater going. Definition of somehow is “He has no clue, pushed buttons, now it’s working.”

Rain really poured all Saturday night. Chief didn’t sleep well because Briggie made him sleep on the wet mattress, and dump the water cans every hour, all night long. I felt sorry and tried to sleep by his side, so I didn’t get much sleep either. We went to a French restaurant for late breakfast, mountains of powdered sugar on some kind of a beignette roll. Wow. Arrived home, more water in trailer…but we got 13.9 miles per gallon!!!
Charlie

Joe's New Dog

Dear Liebe:

My brother Joe is looking at a 'DOG' to keep me company
when i go to his house. If you come in December, we
three could have a great time (if he has a it by
then).

Charlie

Etymology 101: origin of phrases and words.

The year is 2025. We are sitting in an advanced English class at New Mexico State University. The class of 1760 students is listening to the gray haired professor, standing far down in the theater, droning on and on and on:

“Class, you have been studying origins of English sayings. We now have a doctoral presentation on one of the most interesting and intriguing language developments in modern times. First presenter, “You are on:”

The chief assistant graduate student stands to make his presentation:

“Ladies and Gentlemen: after 12 years of exhaustive research, we have discovered why in the early 21st century there was a broad based resurgence of old epithets, clichés, and exclamations. A wide sampling of these phrases is:

“Great Gawd Almighty, never seen that before.”

“Stop or we’ll all be killed.”

“Help, I ate too much and can’t get up.”

“Holy Cow, can you believe they did that?!”

“It’s a bird; It’s a plane; It’s a chair!”

“I can’t hear myself think!”

“Twas a phenomenal phenomenon.”

“My team requested and received a grant for 13 million dollars from the federal government to find out what happened. After 10 years of research, numerous interviews and studies around the country, we found that the resurgence of all these sayings had a common origin,” his practiced speech trails off.

The class waits. Finally the exasperated professor loudly queries:
“Well what started all this strange old fashioned talk?”

The grad student replies: “Sir, it was all from one group of people that survived a Jewish wedding on Long Island in 2005! They returned to their homes all over the country and told wild stories of that wedding to everyone!”

There is a long silence. One local young undergraduate (named E.J.) stands tall and shouts: “Yup, I was there. All the wild stories are true. Nuff said.”