The Ugly American
Ugly American
Picture this: You are eating lunch at The Edelweiss famous German butcher shop in downtown Portland. The little parking lot is filled with Volkswagens and expensive Beemers and shiny new Mercedes, and one ancient orange Ford Pickup truck, looking somewhat out of place.
All the real German expatriates are eating lunch and shopping here, slurping their Kaffe (coffee), eating their brats, reading their Frankfurter Allegemeine newspaper. Gemutlichkeit is in the air. (What in tarnation is that smell?)
This pretty blonde German lady is explaining to her bald Ami husband, the wonders and history of the fabulous lunch they are having. Finally he asks:
“What is that strange looking meat?”
She replies, this is the world famous “Leber Kase”. It costs $100.00 a pound, they make it from selected pieces of certified German pigs and other animals. Then it’s shipped all the way over here, to make this wonderful lunch. Why, this is just like eating a fabulous meal in downtown Berlin or Kassel. She is ecstatic, with the rapture of the moment.
She cuts him a small tidbit, and politely proffers it to him on her fork. He savors the taste and then he says, just a wee bit too loudly:
“Honey, I think this is just Spam from Nebraska.”
The softly playing Bavarian music stops with a “Screech!” The cash register misses several beats in totaling up Pfennigs and Marks for other shoppers. Heads turn toward he who used the forbidden “S” word.
The old single guy at the next table drops his false teeth in his Edusho Kaffee and sneezes, splashing the coffee on his much-revered newspaper. Two other gentlemen halt their conversation in mid sentence and look askance at the defiler of German meat heritage. Someone mutters in German: “”How did that poor woman get stuck with that weird guy?”
The store proprietor personally brings to their table the take home order of 20 pounds of imported hot dogs, and grimaces at the ugly American. He politely asks: “Are you finished yet?” The couple pays and they leave the store.
The blonde lady appears to be gesturing angrily at the man as they drive off in their Ford pickup. We can envision a one sided conversation consisting of 15 syllable German cusswords, politely translated to something like “We can never show our face in there again! How could you say such a thing?”
Guess who this happy couple is? 'Twas another day with Chief and Briggie.
Picture this: You are eating lunch at The Edelweiss famous German butcher shop in downtown Portland. The little parking lot is filled with Volkswagens and expensive Beemers and shiny new Mercedes, and one ancient orange Ford Pickup truck, looking somewhat out of place.
All the real German expatriates are eating lunch and shopping here, slurping their Kaffe (coffee), eating their brats, reading their Frankfurter Allegemeine newspaper. Gemutlichkeit is in the air. (What in tarnation is that smell?)
This pretty blonde German lady is explaining to her bald Ami husband, the wonders and history of the fabulous lunch they are having. Finally he asks:
“What is that strange looking meat?”
She replies, this is the world famous “Leber Kase”. It costs $100.00 a pound, they make it from selected pieces of certified German pigs and other animals. Then it’s shipped all the way over here, to make this wonderful lunch. Why, this is just like eating a fabulous meal in downtown Berlin or Kassel. She is ecstatic, with the rapture of the moment.
She cuts him a small tidbit, and politely proffers it to him on her fork. He savors the taste and then he says, just a wee bit too loudly:
“Honey, I think this is just Spam from Nebraska.”
The softly playing Bavarian music stops with a “Screech!” The cash register misses several beats in totaling up Pfennigs and Marks for other shoppers. Heads turn toward he who used the forbidden “S” word.
The old single guy at the next table drops his false teeth in his Edusho Kaffee and sneezes, splashing the coffee on his much-revered newspaper. Two other gentlemen halt their conversation in mid sentence and look askance at the defiler of German meat heritage. Someone mutters in German: “”How did that poor woman get stuck with that weird guy?”
The store proprietor personally brings to their table the take home order of 20 pounds of imported hot dogs, and grimaces at the ugly American. He politely asks: “Are you finished yet?” The couple pays and they leave the store.
The blonde lady appears to be gesturing angrily at the man as they drive off in their Ford pickup. We can envision a one sided conversation consisting of 15 syllable German cusswords, politely translated to something like “We can never show our face in there again! How could you say such a thing?”
Guess who this happy couple is? 'Twas another day with Chief and Briggie.
posted by Daniela | 10:12 AM
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